How to Not Take a Rejection Personally

In the admission process, you are just a file.

Imagine you’ve just interviewed for a summer job as an ice cream scooper. You arrive at your designated time, and another high school student is finishing up their interview. Then, when you are winding up your chat with the store manager, another applicant enters the store. Wow! This job is a popular one. You feel confident with your qualifications and interview, but a week later you call to follow up and are told that the position has been filled.

How do you respond? Hopefully, you say “I didn’t get the job,” not “I was rejected.”

It’s an important subtlety and one that we share will all of our students stung by a “no” from one of their colleges. Rejection is personal; it implies dismissal, rebuff, even revulsion. Denial is different.

It always helps to remember that in the college admissions process, you are a piece of paper, not a human being. The college didn’t reject you; they denied a file. Of course, it is hard not to take it personally! But by removing rejection from your vocabulary, hopefully, you can move on and focus on the other wonderful things to come at the college that liked what they saw and accepted your file!

Coaching Your Student Through Rejection

They’ve done everything that’s been asked of them — often even more than that. They have worked hard in school, on the athletic fields, in their communities, in practice rooms, on stage, and in the lab. And, despite all of that, the answer is “no.”

Seeing your child not achieve something that they truly gave their all can be one of the hardest jobs of a parent, for often, the parent feels the sting as well.

So how do you coach a student through a college rejection?

Don’t say too much. We’ve found that the best response to a student who has received a rejection is “it’s their loss.” Hopefully, they know that you think they are fabulous, and deserving, and were ripped-off. Those sentiments can come later.

Make sure they know that you are proud of them. We’ve had many students tell us in confidence that they worry their parent is embarrassed by the admission decision, and therefore of them. So, the best message, for now, is “we are just as proud of you after this decision as we were before it.”

Don’t try to figure it out. Years ago I had an Ivy League admission officer friend tell me, “No one gets in before coffee.” I chuckled, but she was serious. She’d been keeping a tally in admission committee. The number of students admitted before the coffee cart came in around 9 a.m. was abysmal. A “no” can simply mean that you were one of the unlucky ones in the queue.

Let it go. Don’t let a rejection define you — or them.

Ethics Matters

We at College Matters are proud to be members of the Independent Educational Consultants Association, an organization recognized as leaders in promoting the highest ethical standards in the industry. In addition, we adhere to the Principals of Good Practice of the National Association of College Admission Counselors and affiliate organizations.

A fully vetted independent educational consultant (IEC) will be solely concerned about an individual student’s well-being and guiding them to a school where they will thrive and succeed on their own merits.

We truly believe that the college process is a match to be made, not a race to be won and we take pride in the work we do with a wide variety of students and families.

BEWARE: Senior Slump Ahead

You’ve worked too hard to have things come crashing down now!

Although it may not quite feel like spring here in Connecticut, for the Class of 2019, things are heating up. College decisions are just around the corner as well as proms, picnics and parties…. and senioritis!

It is so tempting to want to take it easy once the college decision is made. However, remember that colleges see your final transcript and can rescind an acceptance if there is a significant dip. Also, should you ever want to transfer from one college to another, your high school transcript will be a part of the file. So stay focused!

Ask the Consultant: College Closure WARNING

Mt. Ida, Green Mountain College, Hampshire College have all recently been in the news: struggling to stay afloat or closing completely!

Q: I’ve seen recent news stories about colleges closing. How can we make sure that we don’t choose a college for our child that won’t be here five years from now?

A: Of course, there is no guarantee that a college will be here five years from now. But there are a few things that you can do to assess the financial health of the colleges you are considering.

Each year Forbes compiles College Financial Grades for four-year institutions. In 2017, they gave Mt. Ida a D-, the lowest grade assessed. Hampshire College, however, seemed about average and less of a concern.

It should be no surprise that the most highly selective institutions generally have the largest endowments and, therefore, are the most financially stable. But there are exceptions!

Moody’s gives credit ratings to colleges and universities on a yearly basis. This past year, Moody’s estimated that only 11% (or 500) institutions have the financial stability to stave off demographic, economic and technological shifts. And several well-known universities have credit ratings far below what one would expect. Georgetown University? UMASS Amherst? Baa2!

So, when on campus, ask about the credit rating, how is all that new building being paid for, how tuition-dependent is the school, what is the endowment. It won’t give you a perfect answer on financial health, but it’s a good start.

What Courses Should I Choose to Maximize College Chances?

It’s all about finding the right balance. Choose challenging courses where you can find success!

Q: It’s course selection time at my school. What should I think about?

A: The question that we always seem to get when we sit down with a student to discuss course selection is, “What do colleges want to see?” We meet with hundreds of college admission reps each year on campus, at conferences, and in our office. So, we ask them! There are definitely some commonalities to their responses.

• Identify your goals. The level of rigor you take on should be directly proportional to the selectivity of the institutions you are targeting. I was once at an Ivy League college information session and a parent asked if it was better for her son to take an AP course and get a B or take a college prep course and get an A. The answer: “If you want to be considered here, take the AP class and get an A.” Enough said!

• Appropriately challenge yourself. College admission reps want to be assured that you will be ready for the rigors of college, which will be a step up from high school. A student with straight A+ grades and less rigorous courses can appear as if they are afraid of challenging themselves.

• Build a foundation. Yes, high school is a foundation for college-level material. For this reason, colleges generally like to see four years of English, math (through pre-calculus), and foreign language. The also like to see a good background in science (biology, chemistry, and physics) and Social Sciences.

• Choose electives that interest you. We know that those students that have a course load like the one outlined above often do not have a lot of room for electives. So when you do get an open spot in your schedule, fill it with something that you’d love to learn!

• Be consistent. If you are a STEM kid, your rigor should be in math and science. Love to write? English and social sciences. Admission officers admit that they get suspicious when they see a student transcript that has honors or AP classes jumping around from subject to subject. Are they just choosing the easy ones?

• Assess your limits. How hard are you working now? Do you have more in the tank or does your current course load seem right? Only you know how much you can reasonably take on. Be honest with yourself and those guiding you in this process.

Computer Science: The bugs in the system

The number of undergraduates majoring in computer science has more than doubled from 2013 to 2017. We have seen this trend in our practice as more and more students are expressing interest in a career in tech.  At the university level, the number of students interested in studying computer science is outpacing the supply of professors, and students are starting to feel the impact of this imbalance.  From an admissions perspective, it is getting more competitive to get accepted as a computer science major.  Colleges are trying to manage the increase in demand but are finding it difficult to attract faculty when salaries in the private sector are more lucrative.  Some colleges have made computer science a limited enrollment major meaning they are only allowing a certain number of students in.  Other universities are limiting the number of courses computer science majors can take in their major in order to open up space to others in the department who are trying to fulfill their requirements.  And, many colleges are facing issues of overcrowded classes, and have started using lottery systems to allocate coveted spots.  

 As it relates to high school students thinking about applying into computer science, realize that it has gotten more competitive and building your resume to show your experience and commitment to the subject will help.

How to Rock Your Midterms!

You’ve got this!

It’s midterm time at many high schools, an anxious time, to be sure. What can you do now to get ready to rock them?

1. Alter your perspective. Students who view midterms as an opportunity, rather than fear them, tend to consistently do better on their exams. Why? The power of positive thinking.

2. Organize. Take the time to make sure that you have all of the materials you need. Study guide? Reading materials? Index cards?

3. Summarize. Take a tip from the Cornell Note-taking Method. Read through each page of your notes and summarize what is there. What is important to remember? What connects to other class material? What is likely to show up on the exam?

4. Recharge. Make sure that you give yourself time to refuel. Even ten minutes of a study break can help you refocus your energy.

5. Ask for help. Attend study sessions with your teacher, organize a study group of peers. Ask a parent or friend to quiz you on the material. It’s great to have that other perspective on the progress that you are making.

Should I Consider a Women's College?

Q: Why should I consider a women’s college?

A: When we begin to put together a college list for a high school junior, we always ask if they are open to considering a single-gender institution. Most young women say the same things: I don’t want more girl drama! I want to have fun in college! What about the male perspective? It’s not the real world!

The reality is that students at women’s colleges report that they feel tremendously supported in the classroom. They are far more likely to do research with faculty, be leaders, graduate in four years, and attend graduate school, especially in STEM.

The feeling of empowerment that is fostered in women’s college students is carried with them outside of the classroom and beyond. Once they find their voice, they use it.

And the male perspective? You’ve got the rest of your life to live that!

Early Decision NO! What to Do?

Q: My son was just rejected by his early decision college? I’m trying to stay calm for his sake, but every time I get into my car to drive to work, I panic. Any tips?

A: First of all, give yourself a pat on the back for being a good parent. What your son needs right now is your reassurance, not your doubt.

We’ve seen some parents take their disappointment out on their kid, berating them with I told you so. “I knew that B+ in AP Chemistry would ruin your chances!” “You should have spent more time on your essays!” “I told you that you didn’t have enough community service!!!”

Others lash out at the unfairness of the system, or even their student’s classmates that were admitted. “She’s totally undeserving!!!”

Rejection is hard! And we’ve found that it’s often harder on the parent than it is on the child, especially when they’ve worked hard to achieve a particular goal. For many high achieving teens, a college admission “no” is their first failure. So it is a particularly important time for parents to watch what they say and do. Remember, even as teenagers, they are watching and learning from you. You are modeling for them how they will react to future setbacks… and achievements. Trust me, the achievements will also come!

So here are a few tips:

• Be positive. Nothing can be gained from ruminating about the past.

• Don’t throw blame. The biggest loser in the equation is the college! They’ve missed out on a terrific kid!

• Celebrate the achievements of others. You’d want others to do the same. And they will!

• Have a plan.

At this time of the year, we work with new families to our practice who need a second look at an application, list of colleges for subsequent applications, and admission essays and supplements. Give us a call and ask about our Second Look Assessment. We can help!