Did you just say "transfer?"

It is not uncommon at this time of year to get a few calls from clients who are midway through their first year of college. These are usually students who have experienced the normal homesickness in the first six to eight weeks of college but have settled into campus life, have begun to make friends, and are getting a handle on the workload. Just when their parents let out a sigh of relief, winter vacation comes around, and their child comes home for break. 

Once they get together with their high school friends, the back-and-forth may begin to sound like two shoppers discussing the great buys they got at a clothing sale: one-upmanship prevails. No matter what your child may be saying about the positive aspects of their college experience, their friends seem to have it better. Having no reason to doubt their friends or suspect exaggeration, they believe what they are told and develop a sense of dissatisfaction with their own college. Suddenly, the transfer drums begin to beat. 

This scenario frequently generates great angst on the part of parents who thought that they had guided their student well. The options were well-considered and researched. How could they have gotten it wrong? 

Should this situation present itself, it is important to remember that much of the anxiety is due to the sudden realization that old friends miss each other.  Try to get your child to realize is that simply being on the same campus with their BFF will not bring back the glory days of high school.  

Remind your child about the reasons they chose their college in the first place. Emphasize the positive aspects of their experiences to date. Ask them what they have shared on social media and with friends and family about college so far. Most likely, it's been crisp fall days, tailgates, and smiles - just like their friends! No one posts about those times when they felt lonely, or when they questioned whether they could do the work, or when the fought with their roommate, or when they really missed their dog. No college experience is perfect; it's what you make of it that matters. 

If the nagging doubts persist, allow your student to explore transfer opportunities on their own, only minimally guiding the process. If that responsibility is thrown in your lap, the desire to change schools is not a serious one. And even if the transfer process does come to fruition, by May, students are often deeply entrenched in campus life and will choose to stay put. 

How to Deal with a Deferral in Five Steps

You've been deferred -- and no matter what anyone says to try to lessen the disappointment, it still feels lousy! Your parents are vacillating between trying to be comforting and hitting the panic button. You're staying off of Facebook to avoid all of the "Class of 2022!!!!" posts, even though you are genuinely happy for your friends. Some call it limbo; others call it purgatory. Here are five things you can do to right the ship and get cruising along once again.

1. Take some time for yourself. Just like the bereavement process, you need some time to grieve. That's OK. Go for a hike, binge-watch a series on Netflix, sob with your best friend, devour a pint of Ben and Jerry's "Chocolate Therapy."

2. Reassess. Once your mind is clear, it's time to move forward. We recommend that students take the "you're dead to me" approach to that deferring college until all the rest of their regular decision applications are submitted. Make sure to meet with your college advisor to take a look at your college list one more time. Do you have enough safe options that you genuinely like? 

3. Know the numbers. Traditionally, Yale defers around 50% of those that apply early action while Vanderbilt defers almost no one. Therefore, a Vanderbilt deferral has a much better shot at acceptance in the regular decision pool than the Yale deferral. Many colleges will post these numbers on their website or in an article in the college newspaper. If you can't find them, call the admission office and ask.

4. Move on. Many students find that the "you're dead to me" mindset endures. It is fine to say: if you didn't want to accept me early, I'd rather not go. For others, it's still "I can't get you out of my head." Colleges know this, and that is why we see very few regular decision acceptances after a deferral for students that do not reiterate their interest in attending. 

5. Plead your case. Pull out of the trashcan and uncrumple the deferral letter. Read what it says. Many colleges ask that you stay in touch and update them with new information to enhance your candidacy. These can include senior year grades (hopefully with more As), another teacher letter of recommendation, higher test scores, additional honors and awards, or enhanced extracurriculars. Other colleges ask that you not send anything else. You want to follow this request. If they give you the opportunity to add to your file, do so. Send a letter professing your love of the school and your desire to attend if admitted. Ask one of your senior year teachers to write you a new rec. Keep your grades up! Stay involved! 

Finally, don't let a deferral define you. Most seasoned admission officers are careful to say that they accept, reject, defer or waitlist a file, not an applicant. To them, you were just a stack of paper -- a stack that they likely reviewed in under ten minutes. So try not to take a deferral or rejection personally. They let a good one get away! 

Student to Student

Nithya Pathalam is a junior at Georgetown University and a former student of College Matters. In this Student to Student segment, Nithya talks about her decision to transfer. 

When I tell people that the reason I transferred universities was because I “loved my old school too much” I often receive very puzzled looks. I decided during my sophomore year at Northeastern University to apply to transfer. Choosing to put myself out there and apply to other schools was hard, but when acceptances rolled out, and I was faced with the option of leaving my university, I had no idea what to do. In the end, I did decide to transfer to Georgetown University in Washington D.C., and I am so glad that I did.

When I say that I “loved my old school too much,” I definitely mean it. My experiences were enriching, I met some phenomenal people, and I was able to establish myself with a positive reputation. I did well in my classes, had a position as the leader of a research team, was connected with my professors, and had a part-time job. To any college student, it may seem like I had it all- but internally, that was not the case. Growing up in central Massachusetts, Boston was the big city that I knew, and it had my heart and soul. I loved being surrounded by the innovative culture and active student life. However, after interning in Washington D.C. the summer after my freshman year, I had discovered that there was so much more to the world than just the little corner that I happened to know. I was almost too comfortable with where I stood and wanted to challenge myself in a new way and continue to explore the world.

Being a transfer student is never easy, and I knew that transitioning to a new place during my junior year of college would be exhausting. I would need to make new friends, establish a new schedule, get acclimated to a new city, join new clubs, and meet completely new professors -- but somehow everything worked out in my favor. I am lucky enough to say that I am now happily surrounded by an amazing group of students and professors, a new academic environment, and a vibrant new city and I will never look back on my decision to transfer as a negative one.

Ask the Consultant

Q: My high school senior applied to colleges late and did not receive any scholarships to attend. Should he consider taking a gap year and applying again as a freshman or go to community college and transfer?

A: Taking a gap year can be a wonderful way to re-energize, focus interests, and gain maturity. Some students travel the world during their year off, but I'm guessing that if you are looking for scholarship money for college, an expensive program won't be in the cards. Other students save money for college by working or bolster their resumes with internships or service opportunities. It's also not too late to retake standardized testing if you think that higher scores might translate into more merit money. 

There are pros and cons to each option!

On the other hand, attending community college can be a great route for the student that wants to stay on the academic track and gain credits at a much lower cost than at a four-year institution. But do your homework! Some universities will only accept a community college transfer after they have completed the equivalent of two years of coursework. Others don't offer merit money to transfers. And always make sure that you are taking courses that are likely to transfer to a full bachelor's degree! 

Did you just say "transfer?"

It is not uncommon at this time of year to get a few calls from clients who are freshmen in college. These are usually students who have experienced the normal homesickness in the first six to eight weeks of college but have settled into campus life, have begun to make friends, and are getting a handle on the workload. Just when their parents let out a sigh of relief, winter vacation comes around, and their child comes home and sees all of their high school friends. 

Once they get together with their high school friends, the back-and-forth may begin to sound like two shoppers discussing the great buys they got at a clothing sale: one-upmanship prevails. No matter what your child may be saying about the positive aspects of their college experience, their friends seem to have it better. Having no reason to doubt their friends or suspect exaggeration, they believe what they are told and develop a sense of dissatisfaction with their own college. Suddenly, the transfer drums begin to beat. 

This scenario frequently generates great angst on the part of the parents who begin to question their student's choice of a college in the first place. The options were well-considered and researched. How could they have gotten it wrong? 

Should this situation present itself, it is important to remember that much of the anxiety is due to the sudden realization that old friends miss each other.  Try to get your child to realize is that simply being on the same campus will not bring back the glory days of high school.  

Remind your child about the reasons they chose their college in the first place. Emphasize the positive aspects of their experiences to date. Ask them what they have shared on social media and with friends and family about college so far. Most likely, it's been crisp fall days, tailgates, and smiles - just like their friends! No college experience is perfect; it's what you make of it that matters. 

If the nagging doubts persist, allow your student to explore transfer opportunities on their own, only guiding the process. If that responsibility is thrown in your lap, the desire to change schools is not a serious one. And even if the transfer process does come to fruition, by May, students are often deeply entrenched in campus life and will choose to stay put.