Reality Check: Prepare for a Denial Ahead of Time

You’ve worked hard, researched colleges and demonstrated interest, conscientiously prepared your applications.  One more thing:  keep in mind that you will most likely be denied by at least one of the schools you really want to attend.

The best responses come with preparation.  Everyone – with very, very few exceptions – will be denied by at least one school to which they apply.  Often the denial comes from one (or more) of the “reach” schools at the top of the list, but sometimes from one (or more) of the “target” or even “safety” schools. Often, the student is qualified to do the work there, but isn’t among the strongest applicants or doesn’t meet a specific enrollment profile that the college is targeting that year. In an increasingly competitive landscape, many selective schools are denying more students. Preparing mentally and emotionally for this reality ahead of time can help ease the pain and reframe your response so it is healing and more productive.   

Being denied by a college you really want to go to hurts and it’s hard to not take it personally.  When it happens, take some time to feel disappointed and process the pain.  Do something that makes you feel better: punch your pillow, cry, eat chocolate or ice cream, go for a run and scream.  Then remember that that “perfect” college isn’t perfect.  There is no “perfect” place.  Each college has strengths and weaknesses and you will find what you are looking for at another school.  Most students who are devastated go on to “love” another school.  Ask the tour guides when looking at colleges and older siblings and friends.  Many don’t enroll at their “first choice” schools and end up sincerely saying they are happy where they are and are glad things worked out the way they did.  So, mentally prepare yourself for some disappointment and be ready to pivot to another option. 

Research shows that students who thrive in and after college are those that engage in their community fully.  Take measure of the relationships you’ve built in high school, in your community, through your family and other activities.  If you actively engage in learning and are building connections in the college community you become part of, you will find rewards, support, enrichment, and success.

Resilience and the ability to adapt are like muscles to flex and strengthen and they come into play in important ways in the college application process.  Preparing now for the possibility that you may have to pivot to the next best option will set you up for an easier path emotionally as colleges release admissions decisions. 

So, keep in mind this preparation for when you are denied at a favorite school:

1.)   Take time to process the disappointment, it does stink

2.)   Try not to take it personally – it’s a numbers game – there is no shame in it

3.)   Pivot to another option remembering there’s not just one “perfect” college

4.)   Embrace that new community when you get there (holding a grudge or being that person who can’t move on and complains that this wasn’t their first choice won’t serve you well)

5.)   Recognize that being adaptable and resilient is a necessary lifelong skill and doing it well will help to guarantee your future success!

College Admissions Offices Spot-Checking Applications

We’ve all heard the adage, “Honesty is the best policy.” However, in the competitive landscape of college admissions, some students may feel pressure to embellish their resumes or the activities sections of their applications in an attempt to gain acceptance to their top-choice colleges.  Beware!  In response to Varsity Blues, some colleges have started to spot-check applications, verifying that students’ activities and involvement in activities are accurate.  When you submit an application, you affirm that the information you provide to the colleges is “your own work, factually true and honestly presented.”  This quote is taken directly from the Common Application, but the other application platforms, Coalition Application, and college-specific applications have similar statements that you must agree to before submitting your application.  

Colleges are cracking down, indicating that they will likely revoke offers of admission to students who are found in violation of this affirmation.  So, avoid the temptation to present yourself as captain if you were a co-captain or list a club if you have never attended a meeting.  Being your authentic self is essential.  That way, when your acceptance letters arrive, you can rest assured that your achievements were earned not fabricated.

Get “Game-On” for that Internship or Job Search!

This post is an interview with Rich Vancil, a College Matters resource. Rich is a Madison resident and is a career coach for college students, specializing in the “effective networking” part of the job-search process. He delivers his workshops and seminars at the Connecticut College Career Center and Academic Resource office as part of the college’s Distinguished Alumni series.

Q. What’s new in today’s job-search environment for students?

A. Well…technology disruption…of course!

The career platforms (Indeed, CareerBuilder, LinkedIn, etc.) have achieved an impressive “scale” of content and audience, much like Google or Facebook or Amazon. These companies aggregate job listings from job boards, employer posts, and staffing companies. This aggregation is a huge magnet to the job-searcher as a perceived one-stop-shop and “one-click” experience. A downside is that a magnet can also be a black-hole. Resumes go in, but the odds that something comes back out are very low. Example: Bank of America receives about 2 million resumes per year for about 20,000 job postings. 97% of those resumes will be tossed out by software before ever being reviewed by a human. With these odds, it is more critical than ever that the job-searcher identifies and nurtures an “insider” to help them. To do that, they have to network.

Q. Does a student have to know someone on the “inside” personally?

A. Although it certainly helps, you don’t have to know someone personally to network. This means making actual phone calls or leaving voice mails, crafting thoughtful and concise emails, and taking assertive/appropriate follow-up steps. It can be uncomfortable work for the student. It makes them feel afraid and vulnerable. Where do I find these insiders? How do I contact or connect with them? What should I ask them? It’s a scary process, but it’s likely to be the most effective.

Q. What are the colleges and the college career centers doing to help the student?

A. The Career Center is a great resource. And your alumni network is hugely valuable. Learn how to access and nurture this network! I help students on how to do this professionally and effectively.

Bear in mind that the Career Center staff can be spread thin. The national average for all colleges and universities is about 1,800 (!) students to one staff member. At a small top-tier college, the ratio is better, but still, each career-center staffer might have to serve 200, 300, or more very anxious students and parents.

Liberal arts colleges, in particular, are under significant pressure to produce a better “product”… that product being a job-ready graduate that an employer wants to pull on-board.

In response to this, many colleges are scrambling to increase their investments in career-readiness. They are now offering “life-skills” workshops in their resource centers. They are adding subjects such as finance and accounting cohorts to their core curriculum.

At Connecticut College, where I volunteer, a new “Fast-Forward” program has been launched. Students come back to the college during winter break for an intensive week of job-search skills, interview role-plays, presentation skills, and more. I will be on the staff!

Q. What are the successful first steps that a student should take on their job-search path?

A. Begin to develop the networking process skills early. An underclass student should begin to develop these skills during the internship search. This includes learning the tools; getting a sense for the “numbers game” that a job search is (lots of “no’s and lots and lots of ghosts); learning the process of developing a network; becoming more comfortable with professional-grade correspondence and interactions. By the senior year, when the stakes are high, the student is “game-on” ready.

It is not unusual for me to meet with a “Help-Me, Please!” student in March of their senior year. I start off by asking, “OK…. So, what do you have going on?” And a frequent response is, “Well...not that much…but my Dad is REALLY on my case!”

The greatest obstacle to starting is paralysis about personal interaction and networking. Because of that fear and to avoid those process steps, the student quickly turns to the mechanical steps such as submitting resumes on-line. In this way, the student can now respond to Dad: “Well, I submitted 20 resumes this week!” But as discussed above, the results of that will likely lead to rejection, which will lead to discouragement, which could lead to less effort. A bad spiral! But moving out of this and into a virtuous spiral is highly coachable as a learnable skill, and this “Effective Networking” process will become a career-long asset.

They Expect Us to Pay What?

Often times there is a disconnect between the Expected Family Contribution (EFC) that is calculated based on the Free Application for Student Aid (FAFSA) and the amount of money a family feels they can afford each year for college costs.  The lengthy formula used to calculate financial aid under the federal mythology uses some stingy assumptions.  According to a recent New York Times article, the formula assumes that a family of four can survive on $30,000 per year regardless of where they live.  These out-of-date assumptions can paint a much different picture of a family’s finances. Further, few colleges meet 100% of your financial need.  In this case, you may be responsible for paying your EFC in addition to the unfunded portion of your financial need.

 Although there is little you can do to change the formula, you can arm yourself with information. Don’t wait until the last minute to calculate your EFC.  There are many ways to estimate, including using the FAFSA4caster or net price calculators available on the colleges’ websites.  Regardless of whether or not you agree with the number, at least you can begin to prepare.  Remember that some colleges also require a CSS/Profile (or college-specific form) in addition to the FAFSA.  At these colleges, the EFC from the FAFSA4caster won’t necessarily give you an accurate estimate.  Colleges using the CSS/Profile examine your financial information in a lot more detail, which can make your EFC much different.  Using a net price calculator at the college-specific websites may be a better option to estimate your college costs.  

 With a better idea of your financial obligation, as defined by the colleges and federal government, you will be in a better position to plan accordingly.  Maybe add some colleges where your student is more likely to get a merit scholarship, or that has a lower price point.  After all, better to be elated by a nice merit scholarship than reeling from a bunch of unaffordable options.

Did you just say "transfer?"

It is not uncommon at this time of year to get a few calls from clients who are midway through their first year of college. These are usually students who have experienced the normal homesickness in the first six to eight weeks of college but have settled into campus life, have begun to make friends, and are getting a handle on the workload. Just when their parents let out a sigh of relief, winter vacation comes around, and their child comes home for break. 

Once they get together with their high school friends, the back-and-forth may begin to sound like two shoppers discussing the great buys they got at a clothing sale: one-upmanship prevails. No matter what your child may be saying about the positive aspects of their college experience, their friends seem to have it better. Having no reason to doubt their friends or suspect exaggeration, they believe what they are told and develop a sense of dissatisfaction with their own college. Suddenly, the transfer drums begin to beat. 

This scenario frequently generates great angst on the part of parents who thought that they had guided their student well. The options were well-considered and researched. How could they have gotten it wrong? 

Should this situation present itself, it is important to remember that much of the anxiety is due to the sudden realization that old friends miss each other.  Try to get your child to realize is that simply being on the same campus with their BFF will not bring back the glory days of high school.  

Remind your child about the reasons they chose their college in the first place. Emphasize the positive aspects of their experiences to date. Ask them what they have shared on social media and with friends and family about college so far. Most likely, it's been crisp fall days, tailgates, and smiles - just like their friends! No one posts about those times when they felt lonely, or when they questioned whether they could do the work, or when the fought with their roommate, or when they really missed their dog. No college experience is perfect; it's what you make of it that matters. 

If the nagging doubts persist, allow your student to explore transfer opportunities on their own, only minimally guiding the process. If that responsibility is thrown in your lap, the desire to change schools is not a serious one. And even if the transfer process does come to fruition, by May, students are often deeply entrenched in campus life and will choose to stay put. 

Betsy Morgan's advice on test-optional schools featured in College Confidential

Betsy was recently interviewed by Suchi Rudra of College Confidential for her article, “Should You Apply Only to Test-Optional Schools?”

It's November 1 -- What's Next?

Don’t lose steam!

For most high school seniors (and those that support them on their college preparation journey), the push up to November 1 is frenetic! Essays crafted, standardized testing finalized, last-minute campus visits made. It’s an incredibly productive time! After November 1 — not so much.

Every year we see the hint of a senior slump in our students in November and early-December. We know that you are a bit exhausted and tired of the process, but trust us, you will have a much better winter break if you keep pushing ahead. Those January 1 deadlines aren’t that far away.

So take a weekend off and then get back to work! You’ll be glad you did!

Registering for the Draft to Apply for Federal Financial Aid

Q: Do I really need to register for the draft when filling out the FAFSA?

A: On this issue, your options are extremely limited. If you are a male between the ages of 18-25, interested in applying for federal financial aid for college, you are required to register for the Selective Service.* As of now, females are not required to register. Failing to register for the Selective Service if you are 18-25 years old will disqualify you from receiving federal financial aid. There are a very limited number of exemptions: exemptions.

Registration can be completed directly through the Selective Service System (any time after the student is 17 years and 3 months old) at www.sss.gov or by obtaining and filling out a Selective Service Form 1 at any U.S. Post Office and mailing it in.  If you haven’t yet registered at the time you are filling out the FAFSA, you must check the option indicating that you would like to register through the FAFSA application to qualify for federal aid. If you have already registered, indicate that on the FAFSA.  If the student doesn’t answer the question on the FAFSA, they will have another chance to do so on the Student Aid Report (SAR) that is received once the FAFSA is processed.

Note that males are required to register with the Selective Service within 30 days of their 18th birthday. If a male student is not yet 18 at the time they complete the FAFSA, they are not required to register, even if they will turn 18 during the upcoming year (i.e. the FAFSA does not need to be updated for that year.)  However, when they reapply for financial aid in subsequent years after turning 18 (you must file a FAFSA each year to receive aid), they will have to indicate that they would like to register on the FAFSA or indicate that they have already registered.

If you have any further questions, contact the Selective Service Registration Information Office at 847-688-6888 or www.sss.gov .

*Failing to register for the Selective Service if you are 18-25 years old is a felony under the Military Selective Service Act.  Conviction of a violation can result in imprisonment for up to five years and fines of up to $250,000.

Ask the Consultant: Common App or Coalition

Most times, the path leads you back where you need to be.

Q: Several of the colleges I’m applying to accept both the Common Application and the Coalition Application. Does it matter which one I choose?

A: The Common Application and the Coalition application are quite similar. Both allow a student to enter data about themselves, their family, their school, and their extracurricular activities once and send completed applications to a variety of schools. But there are some differences.

First of all, not all colleges subscribe to both. So take a look at the list of colleges that utilize each platform. If all of your schools are Common App or Coalition exclusive, there’s no other option.

But if you do have a choice, here are a few things to think about.

• Your guidance counselor probably wants you to use the Common App! Why? Because the tools that schools use to send transcripts and letters of recommendation (Naviance, Parchment, etc.) don’t integrate with the Coalition App, so it can be more work for them at a time when they are already taxed by all the paperwork!

• Have a creative but short essay? Coalition may be the way to go. There are more formatting options in the Coalition app than on the Common App. That being said, each college has the ability to limit the word count on their main personal statement. We’ve seen limits anywhere between 250 and 550 words.

• Have a lot of extracurricular activities? The Common App gives you room for ten; the Coalition, eight.

• Have a few extracurricular activities but a lot to say about them? The Coalition app gives you more space to describe each activity.

• Have an art portfolio, music recording, research abstract? The Common App integrates with Slideroom, allowing you to send that along for review.

• The Coalition app has partnered with the College Board, to allow students to send SAT and SAT subject test scores within the application.

Finally, if a college accepts both, take a look at the supplemental essays on each. Sometimes they are different! That, in and of itself, can make your decision.

Getting a Divorce? Think College!

Before you embark on a divorce, know the rules!

By the time the family is in our office, it is often too late!

“The divorce agreement said that I would keep the house and he wouldn’t have to pay for college.” “He lives with dad most of the time, but I was advised to claim him on my taxes.” “I was told that since my income is less, we won’t have to involve my ex!”

Such advice, given often by divorce mediators and attorneys or financial planners, can be well-meaning, but fails to take into consideration the nuance of the world of college affordability.

The bad news is that, when allocating money for financial aid, colleges and universities don’t care what the divorce document says — you’ll need to follow their rules. And they have stringent criteria for who is determined to be the fiscally responsible primary parent, as well as who else is expected to contribute to the student’s education.

The federal government site has an excellent overview of who is considered the “parent” for financial aid purposes. In most cases, it is the parent with whom the student spends over 50% of their time. But that just applies to colleges which use the federal methodology for allocating money. Most private colleges use a different formula, one in which both parent’s incomes are considered.

This can come as quite a shock to parents embarking on the college search process. And it can be particularly hard on kids, for whom it feels like the divorce is happening all over again.

So, before you sign anything, know the rules! And if you decide to re-marry, please do the same!