You’ve worked hard, researched colleges and demonstrated interest, conscientiously prepared your applications. One more thing: keep in mind that you will most likely be denied by at least one of the schools you really want to attend.
The best responses come with preparation. Everyone – with very, very few exceptions – will be denied by at least one school to which they apply. Often the denial comes from one (or more) of the “reach” schools at the top of the list, but sometimes from one (or more) of the “target” or even “safety” schools. Often, the student is qualified to do the work there, but isn’t among the strongest applicants or doesn’t meet a specific enrollment profile that the college is targeting that year. In an increasingly competitive landscape, many selective schools are denying more students. Preparing mentally and emotionally for this reality ahead of time can help ease the pain and reframe your response so it is healing and more productive.
Being denied by a college you really want to go to hurts and it’s hard to not take it personally. When it happens, take some time to feel disappointed and process the pain. Do something that makes you feel better: punch your pillow, cry, eat chocolate or ice cream, go for a run and scream. Then remember that that “perfect” college isn’t perfect. There is no “perfect” place. Each college has strengths and weaknesses and you will find what you are looking for at another school. Most students who are devastated go on to “love” another school. Ask the tour guides when looking at colleges and older siblings and friends. Many don’t enroll at their “first choice” schools and end up sincerely saying they are happy where they are and are glad things worked out the way they did. So, mentally prepare yourself for some disappointment and be ready to pivot to another option.
Research shows that students who thrive in and after college are those that engage in their community fully. Take measure of the relationships you’ve built in high school, in your community, through your family and other activities. If you actively engage in learning and are building connections in the college community you become part of, you will find rewards, support, enrichment, and success.
Resilience and the ability to adapt are like muscles to flex and strengthen and they come into play in important ways in the college application process. Preparing now for the possibility that you may have to pivot to the next best option will set you up for an easier path emotionally as colleges release admissions decisions.
So, keep in mind this preparation for when you are denied at a favorite school:
1.) Take time to process the disappointment, it does stink
2.) Try not to take it personally – it’s a numbers game – there is no shame in it
3.) Pivot to another option remembering there’s not just one “perfect” college
4.) Embrace that new community when you get there (holding a grudge or being that person who can’t move on and complains that this wasn’t their first choice won’t serve you well)
5.) Recognize that being adaptable and resilient is a necessary lifelong skill and doing it well will help to guarantee your future success!